Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Worst Cover Songs

911 Is A Joke - by Duran Duran

Who better to cover a song about the failings of the 911 emergency medical response system for inner city people, than...DURAN DURAN! I'm all for a group doing adventurous covers if they can pull it off, but their version of the Public Enemy classic (which is basically a Flavor Flav solo song, which makes it even more ridiculous for them to sing), is just flat out silly. The song comes from an entire album of covers they did called "Thank You" which is absolute crap from start to finish. The Durans were very good at the fun pop dance stuff they're famous for, but watching them flounder over songs so clearly out of their league like "Take You Higher", "Lay Lady Lady", and the inexplicable choice of Grandmaster Flash's "White Lines" is enough to make you want to actually listen to "Seven and the Ragged Tiger" instead.


I Love Rock and Roll" by Britney Spears

Talk about ironic covers. Britney expressing her love for Rock and Roll is akin to Stryper covering Iron Maiden's "Number of the Beast". From her lame "is this thing on" intro, to music accompaniment that has all the rock an 80s Casio keyboard can offer, this whole thing is a giant mistake. Does Britney even know what a jukebox is, let alone a dime? Your guess is as good as mine what these guys holding guitars in the video are even doing.



Piece of My Heart - by Faith Hill

Great job taking a song by one of the all time kick ass great rock vocalists and turning it into a sugar coated commercial for some new wonder drug. Is Faith Hill really even a country singer? She's pretty much just Amy Grant with a cowboy hat. I'd pay good money to watch Loretta Lynn, Tanya Tucker, and Dolly Parton beat the crap out of her. But I'd pay good money to see them beat up anyway, for that matter. Are you reading this Don King?


Downtown Train - by Rod Stewart

How could you take this cool gravelly Tom Waits classic and turn it into this empty piece of crap? I received no less than 30 emails from retroCRUSH readers begging to punish Rod for this sinful cover. I'm sure Waits had said that he would have never even recorded this had he known that Rod was going to wipe his ass with it like this. Hell, you can also throw every single one of Rod Stewarts cover songs in here as well, because they all suck so bad. What the hell happened to that guy? In the '70s and '80s he actually had some pretty good songs, but he turned into the total sell out whore with these bullshit "American Classics" collections that are so schmaltzy they'd put Wayne Newtwon to shame. Rod...take a few years off and just record an album of all original stuff again. Either that, or just be happy with your endless supply of hot young model wives that you won in a bet with the devil.


The Greatest Love of All - by Kevin Rowland

I couldn't dare put a list of 100 Worst Covers together without consulting Brian Ibbot who has produced more than 330 episodes (and counting) of Coverville, one of the coolest and most popular podcasts on the internet. He recommended Kevin Rowland's (of Dexy's Midnight Runner's fame), absolutely batshit insane and unlistenable take on Whitney Houston's hit "The Greatest Love of All".


Ring of Fire - by Olivia Newton John

Let me make it clear that I still have a super crush on Olivia Newton-John, and it pains me to speak ill of her, which should tell you her "Ring of Fire" cover must really suck hard for me to put it on this list. I saw this on iTunes years back and I laughed with a "there's no way in hell she actually recorded that." I wish I didn't let my curiosity get the best of me. Hell, how could this angel who brought us, "Magic", "Hopelessly Devoted To You", and even "Xanadu" (I told you I was a forgiving fan) give us this monstrosity? It's a song of pain and loss and agony that she turns into a goddamn square dance.


Don't Go Breaking My Heart - by ODB and Macy Gray

The original by Elton John and Kiki Dee is good silly fun, and so is this version, but in a completely different way. What was the point of even recording this? Old Dirty Bastard sounds like a drunken Bill Cosby and Macy like some cracked out witch. This is one of those Shatneresque truly awful covers that's so awful you can't help but love it. But they aren't getting any free passes from retroCRUSH, nonetheless.


American Pie - by Madonna

retroCRUSH reader Sara Harris writes, "This song is just pure crap and I love Madonna. I've been a fan of hers since I could walk, but this song almost made me ashamed of being her fan. Making a techno dance track cheapens the message of this song all together." This song also struck quite a chord with our readers, with over 40 suggestions to include it on the list. Personally, I hate the original, too, and think it's one of the most overbearing overrated songs ever recorded, but that doesn't make Madonna's version of excusable. Andrew Stephens added, "I don't normally subscribe to the Madonna Sucks school of thought, but her version of American Pie seems to miss the whole point of the original (and sounds terrible). Unless the idea was to deliberately augment the song's theme by proving that modern music is crap compared to the old stuff, in which case kudos to you Madonna." Anyway, Madonna shouldn't be singing a song called "American Pie" unless it's about her vag.


Behind Blue Eyes - by Limp Bizkit

A tremendous outpouring of hatred from our readers for Durst's shitty version of this Who song, and rightfully so.

"I was always pretty much uncaring of their band. They had the occasional good rock tune that sounded good in the car or in a bar, but this made me want to sacrifice Fred Durst to my God in ways that would make the Mayans flinch." - Robert Spear

"I've already announced my disdain for the bile-fest that is Limp Bizkit, so I should probably leave their attempt at "Behind Blue Eyes" alone. But, dammit, they make it so EASY! Fred Durst is SUCH a brain-dead egomaniac that maybe we should cut him a break for not seeing the irony of the beautiful Who classic - how could this whiny-ass cokehead ever understand a line like "my dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be?" But no, Fred earns his stripes by 1) putting his own heavily processed but still sad, thin little voice right out front; 2) trying to create false tension with deeply out-of-place synthy noises; 3) that...bridge. Robot voices? Scratching? Wha? 4) NEW FUCKING LYRICS!!! FUCK YOU YOU WORTHLESS CRATER!!!. Well, at least he left out the REAL bridge...can you imagine this douche trying out the words "if I smile, tell me some bad news/before I laugh and act like a fool?" Ha ha! That'd be funny. You're all right, Fred." -Matt Casarino

"Behind Blue Eyes--Limp Bizkit--Not only did they make a horrible version of a great song, the middle sounds like time my sister got a See 'N Say caught in her hair--"The Cow Says Moorrrowrrrowowrrrowooo" - William Kiessling


Stairway to Heaven - by Dolly Parton

Wow! Here's another one that just pains me to include on the list because I think Dolly Parton is one of the most amazing singer/songwriters that's ever lived, but what the hell was she thinking taking on this uncoverable song? Nobody could do this song justice, and her sappy bluegrass arrangement is almost unbearable to listen to.


Every Breath You Take - Puff Daddy

Puff Daddy or whatever you want to call him reveals himself as the biggest dork in music history with this awful reworking of The Police classic to pay tribute to his buddy Notorious B.I.G. The video alone is one of the most ridiculous ever made. What was the point of showing him wipe out on a motorcycle repeatedly? And the new off meter lyrics are sloppy as hell, with such creative elements as rhyming "pray for you" with "pray for you." At least this song give us all hope that we're going to Heaven when we die, because if Biggie's there, you know damn well they'll take just about anyone. You know Diddy's really sad about his friend dying, by looking at the way he's dancing around in a giant golden shower at the end of the song.


Layla (Unplugged) - by Eric Clapton

Sorry, Eric. You're a guitar god and one of the greatest musicians that's ever walked the earth, but you totally cut the balls off of one the most rocking, beautiful, and anguish filled rock songs with this acoustic cover. It's the equivalent of Robert Plant and Jimmy Page doing a kazoo version of "Stairway to Heaven". When I think of "Layla" I think of Goodfellas. I think of a song to steal George Harrison's wife with. This take reminds me of riding a unicorn across a rainbow bridge while a gentle breeze of cotton candy blows through the air. And every dick with an acoustic guitar and a camcorder has to put their take of the unplugged version of YouTube now as a result!

Can a guy cover his own song? That's arguable, but I believe this to be the work of an shape shifter that kidnapped the real Clapton.

I'm sorry to leave you with a bad taste in your mouth with this whole thing, so rinse it clean with this gorgeous live version of "Layla" as it's supposed to be played.

74 comments:

Rider said...

mare.... you are the GENIUS!!!!!

rider said...

i bluffed

rider said...

you know you just got dugg

Anonymous said...

http://famous-news.blogspot.com/2007/07/worst-cover-songs.html

Robert said...

don't forget metallicas enter sandman covered by pat boone. should definitely by listed

Anonymous said...

You forgot Jack Ingram's cover of Lips of an Angel. I know the song was killed by being overplayed on the radio, but Jack Ingram drove it further into the ground with his horrible version.

Anonymous said...

The William Shatner Covers of: "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," and "Mr. Tambourine Man" are FAR worse than anything on this list, I assure you. (I spared his cover of Rocket Man here because that's gained at least *some* pop-culture significance).

Anonymous said...

I know this is from somewhere else. Where did you steal it from?

Jon said...

Today the New York Post just named Dolly Parton version of Stairway to Heaven as the best cover of all time. Iv'e personally never heard it.

Anonymous said...

STOLEN FROM:
http://retrocrush.buzznet.com/archive2007/badcovers/index.html

... without credit. How pathetic are you?

llsutherland said...

I laughed out loud many times reading this.

Jay said...

Way to cut n' paste from a retroCRUSH article.

Anonymous said...

too bad eric clapton doesn't give a rat's ass what any single person thinks. i'd agree with the rest, but seeing as how 'layla' is HIS song, he can play/record it any which way he pleases, despite all douchebag opinions extant. since he was the genius who wrote the song, he can't be railed for playing it in another fashion outside of a fender stratocaster. This is like suggesting to an artist "never play any of your songs unless they are an exact auditory replica of the original studio recording because my fragile appreciation of your musical endeavors cannot handle alternate versions..." Anyway, serious fans love to hear 'unplugged' versions of their favorite songs. I, for one, like to know that an artist can convincing render their original works on any arrangement of instruments, including, but not limited to, an acoustic guitar. If an artist can play their beloved songs successfully on other instruments (kazoo), that makes them a badass.

surely there are other 'actual' cover songs (an artist playing ANOTHER artist's music) to populate this list.

Rob said...

You forgot Leann Rhimes' version of Prince's "Purple Rain"!

The Swine, said...

Who can forget the wonderfully bad "The song retains the name" album of goofy zeppelin covers

Anonymous said...

Hot Rod's version of Robbie Robertson's Broken Arrow was even more gut wrenching for anyone who knew the original.. luckily that didn't get as much air time as broken arrow.

Nor said...

Anonymous, the acoustic version of Layla is simply Friday night schlock for yuppies uncorking their first cold bottle of Behringer. After which they will move on to the Turning Leaf and rock out to some old bluesmen like Bonnie Raitt.

Anonymous said...

you're right...how do you cover your own song??? answer: you can't. clapton should be taken off the list

naz said...

The worst cover I have heard is Coldplay singing Barbie Girl

jonxblaze said...

Well said my friend! Dugg !

Anonymous said...

No way clapton belongs with the rest of these.

GamerJunk.net said...

Wow what a dick wad for ripping the same Bad BLOG without crediting it.

Anyways any country version of any song that is remade should be the worst ever anyways.

Anonymous said...

This has to be one of the lamest blog-spam attempts I've seen. The list on the page:

http://retrocrush.buzznet.com/archive2007/badcovers/part3.html

Is the EXACT same, you didn't even change the text.

FFS. Get a grip.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget about rock stars slaughtering tired old xmas crap, a couple cases in point: Springstien's 'Santa Clause is coming to town', and then there was the one that Billy Squire did (the name has been blocked by my brain).

Anonymous said...

I always thought the greatest love of all was a George Benson song ...

Robert Berry said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Oasis's Wonderwall covered by the "Mike Flower's Orchestra" or something?

Anonymous said...

Idiots, you do realize it says retroCrush a dozen or so times in the article.

Yohnstoppable said...

Ya this is obviously stolen, and being used as digg blogspam. It is pretty obvious when he says it is a top 100 list, while clearly not a top 100 list

http://retrocrush.buzznet.com/archive2007/badcovers/index.html

Anonymous said...

Sheryl Crow's cover of "Sweet Child of Mine" was horrible!

Anonymous said...

For anybody who is mystified about why Clapper's acoustic Layla sounds so lame, here's the deal: the intro guitar lick on Layla and most of the hot guitar work on that album was done by Duane Allman, not Clapton. Also, the piano bridge was originally a separate piece by Jim Gordon. Finally, Tom Dowd was behind the board, and no doubt had a hand in integrating the final composition as well.

Today, Clapton would be a good spokesmodel for atheism, because...there is no 'God!'

Anonymous said...

I'd have to go with Mariah Carey doing Def Leppard's "Bringin' On The Heartbreak". There is a special circle of hell reserved for her.

Another mention should go to Celine F**king Dion trying to do AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long".

Anonymous said...

haha wow, good for you for copying and pasting a pointless list of songs you hate
most of these covers are decent, especially the madonna one
just because it has a dance feel to it doesn't make it bad... man

Anonymous said...

William Shatner! Lucy in the sky with diamonds has to be the worst song ever!!!!

Andrew said...

the best covers ever come from Children of Bodom-

Silent Scream- Slayer
Don't Stop At The Top- Scorpions
Mass Hypnosis- Sepultura
Shot In The Dark- Ozzy Osbourne
Aces High- Iron Maiden
and the big finale...
Oops I Did It Again- Britney Spears
(here's the link to the vid)http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3518074841719418921&q=Children+of+Bodom+oops&total=84&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

Anonymous said...

sorry bud, Eric Clapton's Unplugged Album is not a cover of his own song. Its a unplugged album (everyone does this now) so this cannot count in here. Its just Eric doing another version of his own song.

Matt said...

Tori Amos - Smells like teen spirit.

WORST
COVER
EVER!

Pyrohazard said...

I can one up you all. Worst cover ever:
Snoop Dogg, doing Metallica's Sad but True.

The crowd laughs at him cause after the first verse he forgest the words and just starts sayin "bounce bounce" . So nasty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xcub7YxI98

Anonymous said...

The Cardigans' cover of IronMan is the 2nd worst cover I've ever heard (following everything from Pat Boone's In a Metal Mood).

Anonymous said...

worst cover i've ever heard...there are actually two...

1) dolly parton's cover of live's "heaven let your light shine down"

2) a little known texas/rock-a-billy band called Two Tons of Steel covering the Ramones "I wanna be sedated"

Then again...anything done by an American Idol artist, Whitney Houston, or a current pop artist would also qualify.

Anonymous said...

How can you dislike Man Behind Blue Eyes cover by Limp Bizkit? That is an awesome cover!

Anonymous said...

You are an idiot. Layla unplugged is an amazing tune. I challenge you to even attempt to play that on guitar. You'll appreciate the tune a hell of a lot more.

flaak_monkey said...

you forgot about Cheryl Crows butchering of Sweet Child O'Mine.

Anonymous said...

you sir are an unoriginal douche.

Anonymous said...

So glad 'Layla's' on this list; ironically the remake of a song written most likely under the influence of heroin sounds like the writer is nodding out as he's performing it.

My vote for #1 has to be for that godawful version of 'Baby I love Your Way' mixed with 'Freebird,' from a long time ago. Breathy synth-pop, and the melding of two songs with diametrically opposite meanings. Gah.

My #2 would be the 'Wee Bee Jammin' version of Lean on Me from forever ago.

Shatner's are funny and (ill)inspired, which saves them. The Shat is Supreme in all He does.

Robert Berry said...

Screw you and your damn SPAM BLOG. This is my story and you're just pasting it into your blog from my website and you didn't even have the sense to pull the references to retroCRUSH out of it. Every post in this Blog is just stories you stole so people can stumble on them, or go to them after they were in DIGG and you get the ad revenue for it.

Anonymous said...

My gonads could play Layla unplugged after doing your mom.

Richard said...

Phish did an A Cappella cover of "Free Bird". Not just the worst cover, but perhaps the worst peace of music ever. This is the sound that Music would make if you stabbed it in face with a broken beer bottle, rubbed salt in its face, and then took it out to the desert and buried it alive.

Gabe said...

You forgot to include Children of Bodom's cover of Oops I Did it Again

Colin said...

@anonymous What do you mean "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" is the worst song ever? It was originally from the freaking BEATLES! Although personally, I like Elton John's version of it the best.

I wonder if anyone's done a remake of "I Am The Walrus?" THAT would be inhumane!

Voteboob.com - A Sex Blog said...

Busted! But I never new about william shatner's cover... lol

Anonymous said...

Fine Young Cannibals covered "Suspicious Minds." Add that to the list.

Mac said...

There's always the worst cover in my opinion System of a Down's Chop Suey! covered by Avril Lavigne http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMYmG6drFsY

Anonymous said...

Celine Dion covered You Shook me All Night Long by AC/DC

Anonymous said...

Rod Stewart Axe Murdered every song he's ever covered.

Anonymous said...

1) I liked the unplugged version of Layla and unplugged is NOT the same as cover song

2) I hate "Every Breath You Take" by The Police with a burning feiry passion. It has serious weird stalker connotations. At least Puff Daddy's cover is less creepy.

Anonymous said...

layla? are you kidding me? dude, you wouldent know real music if it F***** you in the ass!!

Kegan said...

Actually, Oasis did a live cover of I Am The Walrus, and it was quite good.

Taylor Hicks' cover of A Day in the Life is by far the worst cover song I've yet heard.

"Come Together" by Aerosmith was also crap, as was "Riders on the Storm" by Snoop Dogg.

I haven't heard Avril Lavigne's version of "Imagine," but only because I don't ever want to lose respect for the track.

The Ice Cream Man said...

First of all, Layla by Eric Clapton doesn't count as a cover for two reasons:

1. It's the Unplugged version.
2. He wrote it. You can't cover your own song. You can only play it differently.

Anyways, you forgot Celine Dion's cover of 'You Shook Me All Night Long' and Six Feet Under's version of 'T.N.T.' Neither does AC/DC any justice.

Also, what about William Shatner? Surely you can't forget his cover of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. I know I never will, no matter how hard I try.

Oh, and Ozzy Osbourne's cover of 'Sympathy for the Devil' sucked.

The Ice Cream Man said...

"Today the New York Post just named Dolly Parton version of Stairway to Heaven as the best cover of all time. Iv'e personally never heard it."

The best cover of all time is Jimi Hendrix' version of "All Along the Watchtower".

Anonymous said...

PEOPLE! why is avril lavigne's cover of chop suey by system of a down not here! it was made a mockery! A MOCKERY!

I was disgraced when i heard it! its like listening to ur parents yelling at you! i liked the system of a down version but then avril goes and wrecks it! DAMN HER TO HELL!

Anonymous said...

Hey did you hear the cover of Free Bird by the one the Judd's?....

Musicgoat.com said...

I would like to add a song by the late 80’s Glam metal band Faster Pussycat doing a cover of Carly Simon’s “Your So Vain.” Stinky!

- Corey K

Michael said...

Hahah Dolly Parton covered THAT! If thats not the worst song for her to cover lmao.
http://www.msbands.com I am determined to find a video of that and put it online.

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Jon said...

Has anyone ever listend to the Dolly Parton version of Stairway to Heaven. It is actually very good. She had recorded it years ago and sent it to Jimmy Paige and Robert Plant to get it approved for her to release it and they LOVED it. It is good and feels more like the song should have been sung.

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Anonymous said...

This blog wasn't stolen....its a cover version of the original.

Anyway....how can anyone not have mentioned UK 80s soulster Paul Young's version of Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart"?!!! Ghastly!

Anonymous said...

Where the heck is Celine Dion - You Shook Me All Night Long(the most DISGUSTING cover song ever).
>=[

Anonymous said...

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Colbtron said...

Cheryl Crowe's cover of Led Zeppelin's D'yer Maker has to be the worst ever. (Except maybe Puff Daddy's Kashmir). Cheryl butchers it so bad with her criminally flat groaning of an otherwise great song. Whoever was recording her should have shot her before she got halfway through.